This morning’s practice was a 30 minute sequence focusing on taking flight into side crow, Parsva Bakasana.
That’s not me, by the way. My feet didn’t get nearly as high!
I’ve lapsed in my practice and this was a flying leap back into it (pun absolutely intended). The sequence left my legs tingling and a little shaky, which is a sign of a great practice for me – it tells me that my body worked hard waking up muscles that have been asleep! After a broken start, thanks to three little girls who wanted to join in too, I was able to get into it.
When it came time to move into side crow, I held back at first. I don’t want to fall. I’m afraid of falling.
There, I said it.
I’m afraid of falling flat on my face in arm balances.
And maybe I’m also afraid of failing. But mostly it’s the whole ‘smashing my face on the ground’ thing.
So my left side crow was more like an awkward crouching lean onto my shaky arms as I tried to figure out a way to lift into side crow without losing balance and falling forwards. I have all the excuses, if you’re interested: Parsva Bakasana is really hard, I still struggle with my core, my wrists were a bit sore, I couldn’t work out the coordination to find a medium ground between leaning and lifting, and I didn’t have anything down to pad my fall for if (when) I fell…
My right side was marginally better, but only because I managed to find a way to crouch-lean in a slightly less awkward way.
As far as alignment goes, I know I am totally off. My hips always stay lower than my head, they never ever manage to get anywhere near being level with my head, because that just sends my “I’m falling, I’m falling, I’m heading towards the ground, this is it, my face is falling towards the ground” thoughts into overdrive. My attempt at Parsva Bakasana is less of a powerful core-driven lift and more of a lazy lean onto my arms in the hope that my feet will leave the floor.
I just struggle to break that fear barrier. I know, in my head, that maybe if I could just fall a few times, maybe I would have a better idea of where my centre needs to be to achieve a really beautiful, strong arm balance. But… how?
How do I get myself to the point where I let myself fall?
[Image: CC BY-NC-ND 2.0, by https://www.flickr.com/photos/shinyredtype/5687040074/]